Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
