I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
