just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
