I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize