The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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