its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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