I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
