i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
