I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
