Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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