new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
