Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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