hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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