I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
