Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
