They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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