Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
