Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
