exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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