I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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