turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
