I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize