Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
