She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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