You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
