I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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