walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I have aggressive nipples.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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