come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
