Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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