This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
