Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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