i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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