Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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