I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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