i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
