Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
