sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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