the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I AM VODKA MAN
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
