Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
