Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize