Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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