just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
