Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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