Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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