Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
