I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize