He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
