we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
