It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
