Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
