Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
pray to the hookup gods
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
