Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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