Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
