I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
