toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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