Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize