hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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