apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize