My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
