Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize