Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
