Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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