dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
