We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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