There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
