Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize