whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
