yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
