when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
