at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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