Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
