return my video game
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
