I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
