I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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